Where have I been?

Things here in India started out so well. I was sleeping well, eating a lot, getting exercise, and blogging regularly both for my own sanity and for my loved ones back home. I was living like a responsible adult and I couldn't have been any more content with my life here in Bangalore.

Or so I thought.

Somewhere around the half-way point, life here took a turn in a different direction. I'm not positive what triggered it or when - maybe a series of late nights at the office, or a particularly enjoyable team dinner, or perhaps just the inevitable bond that forms between ex-pats facing similar job experiences - but I found myself spending a lot more of my free time with my fellow trainers than ever before.  It was almost surreal, like I was watching a movie of myself where my new friendships were snowballing slowly but surely into a new lifestyle that I'd dismissed before in favor of sanity and routine. And just as slowly and as surely, as I was out and about on adventures with my new friends, my thoughts and ideas tumbled from my mouth during conversations rather than through this blog, my alcohol tolerance crept up, my post-work plans always started with the words "So what's the plan for tonight?", and the nickname "Granny Rose" became rather obsolete as I can't remember the last time I got eight hours of sleep...

It's been a shift, that's for sure. One that I've made some sacrifices for, like posting here. Or having any real free time to myself, really. I haven't had this much fun - or this little sleep - since my last TWU experience. I've been making a conscious effort to not let it affect my performance as a trainer and judging from feedback, it hasn't been. The hit has rather been on my own personal sanity. I think that at the end of the day, while I demonstrate the tendencies of both, I still consider myself more of an introvert than an extrovert. And that prolonged abandonment of my own time to recharge in solitude, though fruitful in its creation of wonderful friendships and memories, was still a departure from my comfort zone. A large departure that was growing each day.

Then I started to feel sick - physically sick. And I figured that was my body's final protest against all the activity - that it was its way of saying "Woah girl. Calm the fuck down and take care of me." Last night was the first time I consciously declined an opportunity to have fun in the company of others. It was a grandiose occasion too - a large Diwali celebration at my co-trainer's house. Diwali is one of the biggest holidays here in India and spending it alone - especially the walk back to my apartment to the sounds of bursting fireworks and delicious smells wafting out of homes - made me feel sad and relieved at the same time. But I knew that my body - and more importantly, my exhausted mind - needed the time alone.

Fast forward to today and I know that I made the right decision to stay in last night. I'm feeling much more rejuvenated with gasp! more hours of sleep under my belt than fingers on one hand. I'm hoping to spend my remaining week here with a bit more of that balance - I feel that I've strayed too much towards one end of the spectrum and want to make an effort to get somewhere less crazy. Still crazy, but less crazy. Figuring out where I want to be has been half the battle and these past few weeks have certainly taught me a lesson or two therein.

All that being said, I'm still not going to stop Gangnam Styling. Whether its in a sari at the office, down the streets of Pondicherry at midnight, or whilst Skyping with the boy... that fun won't end.