Thursday, November 22, 2012

Famous Last Words

It's 2:07 AM. I'm sitting in the Bangalore airport lounge and in a sandwich and ramen-induced comatose, waiting for a flight that won't board for another hour and a half and fighting the desire to fall asleep in this comfortable armchair. It's sobering to acknowledge that this will be my last post from India and my last post on this blog for the foreseeable future.

It's hard to pinpoint how I'm feeling. Joy, regret, relief, panic, anxiety, and uncertainty, perhaps but in what ratios, I'm not sure. I've been thinking of this day for a long time but as always, actually going through the motions of saying goodbye and hugging people I care about and standing together with the unspoken understanding that this is the last time we'll ever all be together in this time and place never quite pans out the way I imagine it will. And my emotions afterwards aren't ever what I expect them to be, either. 

I've done a lot of retrospecting this past week, both personally and professionally. So much so that spending Thanksgiving break in Maryland around family and friends will be a welcome respite from all this thinking and overanalyzing and fretting. I want myself to just be mentally empty for a while. I want to let my guard down and to enjoy myself and to be in a completely safe and familiar environment. I want to let go of clutching the reins of my mind with tight white knuckled fists and just let it drift and wander to where it pleases.

After the break, I'm not sure what awaits me when I fly back to Chicago. I only know that while what the future holds for me is uncertain, my TWU experience has yet again proven to be one heck of a learning experience, for better or for worse. And just like last time, I am a different person leaving Bangalore than I was arriving here. 

My flight is boarding soon - it's time to go and get on with the next adventure, whatever that will be.

Namaste, India. Thank you for your hospitality yet again.